Saturday, August 29, 2015

The man who has no inner life is a slave to his surroundings

When I heard about the topic, the first thing that came in my mind was to Google it. I hadn’t heard about the same in years. And then after googling it I finally came to know that this is a quote from the Swiss philosopher Henri-Frédéric Amiel. So does this quote matters? Can you relate yourself with the topic? Are you living your life with passion? I don’t know myself. And do I have enough credentials to talk on a certain topic about which I, myself don’t know where do I stand.
When people grow, the basic and the most inevitable thing that they begin to do is to think. They begin to think about their surroundings. They begin to think about their parents. They begin to think about the people who care for them and somehow and somewhere they begin to think about themselves.  They begin to mould their dreams and then they begin to choose their role models. They begin to search for someone to whom they could relate to and someone to whom they could look up to. But somehow down the line they stop being themselves. They begin to supress their inner voice for someone else’s voice. They begin to compromise and finally they don’t realise themselves when they become a slave of their surroundings.
The most basic question that haunts anybody from his/her very tender age is the question about his ambition. ‘What you want to become in your life?’ And whatever may be your answer, the essence of each and every answer halts to a very basic intuition and that is success. I want to be successful and you too want to be successful. In fact every other guy in this world wants to be successful; even those guys who don’t know the proper pronunciation and enunciation of the word ‘success’ wants and quests for the same. But still few guys make it to the greener side. Why? In fact I don’t know myself. Have you ever searched ‘success’ on Google. Believe me; they have 1,07,00,00,000 search results for the same. And now search for ‘hard work’. And guess what? They do have 55, 80, 00,000 results for that. The numbers have not been manipulated or exaggerated. Do you see the difference?  Hard work is the first step of the ladder of success. Hard work is tough.  It’s not easy. It if had been easy every guy would have been done it. But still we couldn’t make it. The real problem is that, we live in a world where fishes are taught to climb the tree. And the amusing part is that we have begun to enjoy the same. We too have joined the same league. We don’t allow ourselves to hear our heart. When you have a dream, it doesn’t often come out screaming in your face. Dreams always come behind you and doesn’t come in the middle of our eyes. Dreams do whisper and never shouts. It’s very hard to hear. And you have to act for that thing that merely whispers in your ears and rarely shouts. You have to make a declaration and you have to go all out for the same. You don’t need to survive. You need to live. You must choose a profession that satisfies you. The only way to do that is to do what you believe is a great work and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle. But in reality, guys do give up their dreams. They begin to fake themselves and mostly they fail down their journey. They start looking for someone to blame, so that they could pile up all the bitter and wrong-doings on someone else’s back. Life ain’t sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and it will hit you straight in the middle of your mouth. It’s going to paralyse you and will beat it to your knees, if you let it. But in spite of all those beatings, we need to keep moving and doing things that are considered out of the box. The moment you say ‘no’ to your inner voice, you push you dream for further weeks, for further months and even for years. The last chapter of your life hasn’t been written yet. And it doesn’t matter what happened yesterday. What matters is what you are going to do about that. You could both fall back and join the league or either stand back and throw a hell of a jab. Your time is limited. So don’t waste it living others life. Do you remember what you did on 15th August, 2015? The moment when you were enjoying the independence of our nation, millions of guys out there were working hard for the reliability and sustainability of our nation. The Sensex surged 3.05 % and the companies became million more valuable. For you it was a day to enjoy but for others it was just another day. They all were working hard. They all were listening to their inner voice. They all were doing what they love and believe is a great work. And somehow at the same time you and I were gossiping, were talking ill about others and were doing unfruitful work.

We need to believe in ourselves and we need to hear our inner voice. That’s pure probability. Either you win or lose. But the probability of failure is 100 % when you don’t even attempt. Make a choice. Just decide, who you goanna be, how are going to do it.  People are rewarded in public for what they do for years in private. Live your life with your passion. You need to step out of your comfortable zone and work like a hell. You need to act. 
And remember that you can’t climb the ladder of success with hands in your pocket. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Independence Day Special

It was 15th august 1947 and Pt. Nehru said, "Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance......”  The memories of the 1st Independence Day may have faded, but the power of that magical moment must never be forgotten. India became independent and it was an effort of many nationalist leaders. Freedom gave us hope, independence gave us courage, democracy gave us rights and responsibilities; nation-building defined our charter.
India has always been great because of its diversity. You can be a good Keralite, a good Muslim and a good Indian, all at once. We are what we are because we have the right to be who we are. As Shashi tharoor says," If America is a melting pot, then to me India is a thali, a collection of sumptuous dishes in different bowls. Each may not mix with the next, but combine on your plate to produce a satisfying repast ". For a long time America  had its Latin motto ' E Pluribus unum ' - out of many one . If India had a similar Latin motto then it would be 'E Pluribus Pluribum' - out of many, many.
But still being so rich in ancient history and civilization there are some loop holes and we have to work collectively to make India a superpower of 21st century. India is not an underdeveloped country.
India is not as people keep calling it an underdeveloped country, but rather in the context of its history and cultural heritage, a highly developed one in an advanced state of decay. Our situation is just like half-filled glass of water. For an optimist it is half-full and for pessimist it is half empty .We can't pretend more that we don't have problems. We are having problems and we have to uproot them from very core level. There is an environment of dissent in our country and dissent is like Gurkha 'khukuri' ,once it emerges from its sheath it must draw blood before it can be put away again . I don’t want you to bombard the streets with placards. I don’t want you to do the dharna. I just want to tell you that doing such things doesn’t make you a good patriot. You are better one and you deserve best. Picking up a sweet wrapper and throwing it into dustbin, asking for a bill when you purchase any product: these are some basic things that you can do. These are the things that you should do.
India is a developing country and we Indians have to be optimist. Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and now it’s time to make grasses greener on our side of the fence. It will take time. Rome was not built in a day. We will wait and so are waiting billions of Indian hearts full of wishes, desires and patience.

Freedom isn’t free at all. It comes with the highest of costs. The cost of blood. Blood of martyrs and fighters that were drained away. And now after years of independence, we take our democracy for granted. We often forget that it was leaders like Nehru and Patel who ensured that this newly formed state may not get into the hands of any dictator. Their respect for the democratic conventions and institutions ensured our democracy and we need to sustain that. I just want to tell you that next time when you post a page long article on social networking sites questioning about your fundamental rights, do ensure that you may give a thought to your fundamental duties too. I know that these things are not going to raise your CPI or SPI just like inflation. I know that these things are not going to save your broken relationship. But somehow it matters. I know it’s late. But you have heard the saying. ‘Better late than never’. India has always mattered to you, to us and to everyone. Its time when we could matter to her. 

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Five stages of grief. 'Never Heard. Never Told'

Well it is the word that I came across when I was watching ‘Million dollar baby’. After watching the movie I searched it on google and then I read its Wikipedia page. In the plot it was written that Eastwood experiences five stages of grief and then I came to know about this theory. I found it quite catching and worthy to share.
The Kübler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief, is a series of emotional stages experienced by survivors of an intimate's death, wherein the five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

The model was first introduced by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, and was inspired by her work with terminally ill patients
Kübler-Ross noted that the stages are not a complete list of all possible emotions, and can occur in any order, and that not everyone who experiences a life-threatening or life-altering event feels all five of the responses.

The stages, popularly known by the acronym DADBA, include

a.       Denial — One of the first reactions is Denial, wherein the survivor imagines a false, preferable reality.
b.      Anger — when the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, it becomes frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"; "Why would God let this happen?".
c.       Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
d.      During the third stage, the individual becomes saddened by the certainty of death. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
e.      Bargaining — the fourth stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Other times, they will use anything valuable against another human agency to extend or prolong the life. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.
f.        Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.
Kübler-Ross later expanded her model to include any form of personal loss, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or income, major rejection, the end of a relationship or divorce, drug addiction, incarceration, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, and even minor losses.

Both sufferers and therapists have reported the usefulness of the Kübler-Ross Model in a wide variety of situations. The subsections below give a few specific examples of how the model can be applied in different situations:

§    Children grieving in divorce
a.       Denial
Children feel the need to believe that their parents will get back together, or will change their mind about the divorce. Example: “Mom and Dad will stay together.”
b.      Anger
Children feel the need to blame someone for their sadness and loss. Example: “I hate Mom for leaving us.”
c.       Bargaining
In this stage, children feel as if they have some say in the situation if they bring a bargain to the table. This helps them keep focused on the positive that the situation might change, and less focused on the negative, the sadness they’ll experience after the divorce. Example: “If I do all of my chores maybe Mom won’t leave Dad.”
d.      Depression
This involves the child experiencing sadness when they know there is nothing else to be done, and they realize they cannot stop the divorce. The parents need to let the child experience this process of grieving because if they do not, it only shows their inability to cope with the situation. Example: “I’m sorry that I cannot fix this situation for you.”
e.      Acceptance
This does not necessarily mean that the child will be completely happy again. The acceptance is just moving past the depression and starting to accept the divorce. The sooner the parents start to move on from the situation, the sooner the children can begin to accept the reality of it.[3]
§    Grieving a lost amorous relationship
a.       Denial
The person left behind is unable to admit that the relationship is over. He/she may continue to seek the former partner's attention.
b.      Anger
The partner left behind may blame the departing partner, or him/herself.
c.       Bargaining
The partner left behind may plead with a departing partner that the stimulus that provoked the breakup shall not be repeated. Example: "I can change. Please give me a chance." Alternatively, he/she may attempt to renegotiate the terms of the relationship.
d.      Depression
The partner left behind might feel discouraged that his or her bargaining plea did not convince the former partner to stay.
e.      Acceptance
Lastly, the partner abandons all efforts toward renewal of the relationship.
§    Grieving in substance abuse
a.       Denial
People feel that they do not have a problem concerning alcohol or substances. Even if they do feel as if they might have a small problem they believe that they have complete control over the situation and can stop drinking or doing drugs whenever they want. Example: “I don’t have to drink all of the time. I can stop whenever I want.”
b.      Anger
The anger stage of abusers relates to how they get upset because they have an addiction or are angry that they can no longer use drugs. Some of these examples include “I don’t want to have this addiction anymore.” “This isn’t fair, I’m too young to have this problem.”
c.       Bargaining
This is the stage that drug and alcohol abusers go through when they are trying to convince themselves or someone else that they are going to stop abusing in order to get something out of it or get themselves out of trouble. Example: “God, I promise I’ll never use again if you just get me out of trouble.”
d.      Depression
Sadness and hopelessness are important parts of the depression stage when dealing with a drug abuser. Most abusers experience this when they are going through the withdrawal stage quitting their addiction. It is important to communicate these feelings as a process of the healing.
e.      Acceptance
With substance abusers, admitting the existence of a problem is different from accepting the problem. When a substance abuser admits that he/she has a problem, this is more likely to occur in the bargaining stage. Accepting that he/she has a problem is when you realize that you have a problem and start the process to resolve the issue.
As stated above, Kübler-Ross claimed these stages do not necessarily come in order, nor are all stages experienced by all patients. She stated, however, that a person always experiences at least two of the stages. Often, people experience several stages in a "roller coaster" effect—switching between two or more stages, returning to one or more several times before working through it.  Women are more likely than men to experience all five stages.

However, the Kübler-Ross hypothesis holds that there are individuals who struggle with death until the end. Some psychologists believe that the harder a person fights death, the more likely they will be to stay in the denial stage. If this is the case, it is possible the ill person will have more difficulty dying in a dignified way. Other psychologists state that not confronting death until the end is adaptive for some people.

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